good god. how in the hell?

smells delicious...

Coming back from my ride, I spotted a man standing strangely behind his minivan as I approached my house. I was moving fairly quick but was able to ascertain that he was most assuredly pissing on the back of his minivan.

There were others in the car which had probably stopped at one of the houses on the street so I was a confused as to why a grown man (~20s) would just whip out his cack and start pissing on his bumper in the middle of the day in a city where plumbing is by no means a luxury.

This episode has me so confused, I can't think of a punchline. Just don't piss on your own stuff around me.

I thought ceebs going out to amsterdam would be cool for taz, but then I see pics of what they've been getting into and now I'm not so sure it was a good idea anymore.

In fact, I don't know what to think.

Despite being a web geek since the dawn of mankind, I have no idea where the "ate my balls" phenomenon originated from.

I'll be the first to admit though, that even at age twenty-four I still find ball eating hilarious.

Remember that episode of Diff'rent Strokes where the bike shop owner was giving arnold booze and showing him porn tapes?

That guy was awesome.

The skytrain was warm and smelled oddly of a lumberyard this morning when a much more sinister smell wafted over in my direction. The mixed smells gave me pause, especially since smell isn't the strongest of my senses. It smelled like... rotten ass. Very rotten ass.

The reaction of the two people sitting nearest me confirmed my suspicions as they brought their hands to their noses and turned their heads from what they must have suspected was the source of the smell: Me.

I was standing in the most obvious position to have been the source of the colon rot, but I most definitely was not. I crinkled my nose and studied the situation and if I were one of them, I surely would have thought that I was the one who had done the deed. It was a good two minutes before much of the smell had cleared and I had no easy way of declaring to perfect strangers that despite the fact that I had smelt it, I was not the one who had dealt it.

I slunk off the train soon, seemingly as innocent of the incident as if I had just driven a white bronco down the highway with police in tow.

Over the weekend, dinner conversation covered the extremely high colorectal cancer rate males are facing today which prompted planning of high fiber diets including everything from metamucil to eating tree bark.

What good is life if your ass is broken?

I'm amazed that the dixie chicks have taken so much flak including radio boycotts and cd burning over some anti-bush comments

If anything, their cds deserve to be burned and their music boycotted for that terrible cover of Stevie Nick's 'Landslide' much more than their political views.

There's always talk about process improvement in my workplace so I figured I'd share my own little list of Do's and Don'ts to make life and work go just a little bit easier.

Do: your fucking job.
Don't: fuck up my shit.

Follow this little guide and you'll be a star in any workplace.

Since building ted a computer in return for a sexy pair of handbuilt bike wheels and a tuneup, I've realized I have too many old computer parts lying around. So I'm doing a giveaway rather than just heaving this junk into the trash.

diamond mx300 sound card
2 globalwin heatsinks (PGA/celeron/pIII)
2 PGA/slot adapters
60mm superred fan - 3pin.
ide internal zip 100 drive

email me if you need these parts. People I know personally and those in most need will get first pick of the parts because I'm a commie bastard.

When I turn on my file sharing apps and then see people downloading crap like Bryan Adams and Robin Thicke from me, I start laughing at how bad people's taste in music is.

Then I think about it and see that I'm the one that already has those mp3s on my machine.

Things I love to put in my mouth: part IV
Dawat: 5076 Victoria Drive
I've got the luck of living just five minutes away from dawat, but I don't seem to visit nearly enough. Like most places I love, almost everything they serve tastes good. Appetizers are good even if they're a bit unexciting, but their curries come through with bold classic flavors and rich textures.

The chicken saagwala is a must have; a creamed and curried spinach that causes my eyes to roll back in my head and small puddles of drool to form at the edges of my mouth. The naan doesn't match Himalaya in fluffiness, but it's no slouch either. You can easily stuff yourself silly here for under fifteen dollars and take some indian sweets home too.

I can appreciate the fact that you're a canucks fan and I can appreciate the fact that you may not want to wash your canucks jersey during the playoffs.

But please don't wear your festering stinky ass jersey on my crowded morning bus.

Lessons for the inept:
Asking korean girls if they want to see another taepo dong is a bad pickup line.

[10:53] griz: did you see that cooks tour show last night?
[10:54] griz: i thought the guy actually did the show just for you.
[10:54] griz: he went to cambodia and ate stinky ass fruit , then chowed down on many meats, then ended the day at a firing range shooting guns

Things I love to put in my mouth: part III
Tropika: 2975 Cambie Street & various locations
Bold, gorgeous southeast asian flavours. Nothing terribly fancy, but everything tastes good. I'm a sucker for loud obvious flavours and tropika does this with ease. Rich thick curries, salty spicy chicken, and frou frou drinks that come in glasses you don't really want to be seen with will run you about fifteen dollars on average. Satays are half price monday to thursdays for those who love sticks of meat.

caveat: Nothing really sticks out, but leave the vegetarians at home. That advice applies to going to almost any good restaurant.

I'm not sure why, but I have this feeling that all cute korean chicks are older than they look and are married.

maybe I think that because I'm retarded.

Thing I love to put in my mouth: part II
Guu / Raku: 838 Thurlow
Sang first took me here and we go back frequently now. It's japanese like no other restaurant in town, skipping sushi and donburis and going with a unique and revolving menu. Asparagus wrapped in bacon, pumpkin croquettes, okonomiyaki, pork belly stew, and tuna or beef sashimi are all served in small enough portions that you can try a bit of everything and all of it tastes amazing. Eat very well for fifteen dollars and check out the cute japanese chicks while you're at it.

caveat: Don't show up and expect not to eat anything "weird" or in a party larger than four.

Things I love to put in my mouth:
Pho Thang Long: 3710 Main St.
This place serves up one of my favourite meals in Vancouver at any price. The broth is full bodied, the servings are huge, and the bean sprouts and thai basil garnishes are always fresh. I've never had pho elsewhere that compares to what comes out of this somewhat dingy hole in the wall. Finished up with an iced coffee with condensed milk and it's heaven for under ten dollars. I'm talking about a contender for best meal EVAR!

caveat: Limited menu of beefy pho only.

[20:12] evil jesus: they couldn't find a good looking asian chick?
[20:12] LunchBoxPunch: good looking asians?
[20:13] evil jesus: like me
[20:13] LunchBoxPunch: yeah, if you were straight you would get all the women

The Supreme Court tries sodomy.

Maybe you should too?

I need some adventurous eaters to commit to sharing a meal of haggis with me. The last time I had it was in grade four and I remember liking it, but it's been a long time since.

Why are north americans so afraid of eating organ meats? Mad cow and other diseases be dammed, put it in your mouth and hummmmmmmmm...

Is it me or are fewer news anchors and politicians pronouncing saddam's name as sodom this time around?

On a side note, I used to get a little nervous when I would hear that they were going to rid the world of 'sodom'.

Someone microwaved some bio-terror in the lunchroom today and despite being one who will put just about anything in my mouth, I was gagging.

Aside from revenge-grade urine, microwaved seafood seems to be just about the most terrible smell evar.

Happy birthday hyedie.

I wish you would have told me your sisters were taken before the party. It would have saved me a lot of pinching and winking.

My heart sank (only slightly though) with news of an old friend's rebirth into religion.

Am I presumptuous to assume that faith in a higher power often compensates for one's lack of faith in themselves? Religion seems a sad crutch for those who don't feel they can control their own lives, acting as a moral compass for those who feel that their own is broken.

How empowering it is to think that all that comes to me, whether good or bad is of my own doing.

Went to the Rugby club tonight which seems to be receiving excessive attention for it's cheap drinks and not enough for it's only slighty above average food.

My new york steak (blue) didn't even try to melt in my mouth and was a bit too sinewy. I've had better saran wrapped supermarket steaks (shop right and they can be pretty good). My double stoli (neat) was over seven dollars which seemed excessive for a place that served martinis for just over three dollars.

We also had to wait for an hour and half before being seated even with calling ahead (no reservations accepted). What's the appeal?

addendum: I actually left a quarter of my steak uneaten which breaks my own rule of "leave no meat behind". Bad sign.

I really can't decide whether Journey, Chicago, or Foreigner was the better band.

All have very respectable heart wrenching ballads. It may just come down to whichever had the hottest frontman.

Cowboy Bebop : Knocking on Heaven's Door is schplaying at tinseltown starting today.

It's easily one of my favourite anime series with terminally cool characters like Spike that you want to be like, and hot selfish bitches like faye you want to be with. Well... at least I do.

Something many people often forget is that if you don't agree with me, you're stupid.

I mean, I've already come up with the perfect answer or opinion, so to not even be able to figure out that the right answer/opinion is right in front of you is dumb.

I am so smrat.

When I did the tweed design, taz said I'd end up spending all my time redesigning and not on writing anymore.

well fuck him. what does he know?

I liked the tweed look plenty. I thought it was cooler than most of you, especially those of you who bitched that it was too hard to read. Did I give in? Probably. But it's still pretty now, kinda like katie holmes and not just cos she looks like she's twelve.

The pan fried oysters at Rodney's Oyster Shack in yaletown are incredible. They were seasoned and cooked perfectly and incredibly fresh. They just about drove me nuts the rest of the day thinking about getting more of them into my mouth.

note to self:
when secretly watching girls eat meat, don't go and tell them that I'm doing so.